"Avgaxi" It's not a real word.

In an effort to combine my two favorite interests (cats and wizardry) I used my "Amateur Wizard Potionary Set" on my cat and created the ultimate pet. The wizard cat. This cat is a level 12 wizard with the ability to cry little kitten tears whenever I throw it in the neighbors swimming pool. (Strictly for scientific/wizrardly purposes of course) Also she (cause all cats are female, I'm surprised you didn't know that) can climb trees. But only tiny trees because I had her declawed . A surprising number of people erroneously believe that I hate cat's. That would be untrue. I love cat's and if Alf hadn't made it cliche' to eat cats I would prove my love by eating at least 3 of them. Mmmmm cat's.

New Art !!!!!1

For those of you that were interested in seeing how my artistic abilities have progressed over the years I've decided to post a retrospective. From age 6 to the present.

Obviously my abilities have become more complex and a certain dangerous sensuality has been added to the subject matter.

Wiener Soap ?!!!

Thousands of hours have been accumulated searching the web for the meaning of life and my journey has finally come to a conclusive end. A lot of people would have considered my inquest a wild goose chase, but as we can clearly see in the above picture, life is decidedly good and we can all stop looking for greater significance because wiener soap has arrived, and it can be found on the internet for a measley 10 bucks. A lot of other great life altering things can be found on the net as well like the "peepee teepee" or "bacon strip bandages" but I submit that none hold as deep a profundity as wiener soap.

This is so livin !

I'm a single dude at home on a Saturday night blogging on my computer. For most people that would be considered a sad turn of events. It might even be perceived as a bit "nerdy" or "lame" or "creepy". Those people would be absolutely right, especially since I haven't shaved in over a week and believe me it's not one of those sexy Sawyer from "Lost" beards either. But one thing we can't forget is I have not yet purchased a ferret or a giant iguana and I have not yet grown a ponytail. So all hope is not lost. There is still the possibility I can pull out of this and become monumentaly cool and the envy of all my married friends and or family. Right now I am fighting the urge to go out and rent all seasons of "Star Trek deep Space 9" and if I am able to resist, that should be considered an accomplishment in its own right. So choke on that causality ! Damn it I just quoted a cartoon. Well one step forward something something something....

I don't believe in ghosts . Its not because Ive never seen one, and its not because I dont believe in an afterlife because I do. But lets look at the experience of a typical ghost according to the people who do believe in them.
Lets say youre murderd by some person and youre pissed. In order to get revenge you spend the next hundred-thousand years hanging out in some old building waiting for some poor sucker to come in and get vaguely scared by something he wasnt sure he saw anyways. Now that poor sucker has a really cool story to tell his friends and the punk kids that heard the story come by and throw rocks at the windows. How is that a good revenge ? I say if there really is such a thing as ghosts they probably have a better time staying invisible and watching all the rediculous shenanigans I get myself into and then having a laugh. The very best revenge for anyone would be witnessing my crappy luck firshand and then realizing that being murdered sucked at the time but it was a hell of alot better than having to be in my shoes.
Also I did a google image search for "sexy ghost" and apparently there is no such thing, so thanks for nuthin artists of the sexy supernatural genre. However a sexy girl holding a basketball did come up so thats what you get.

Quote of the day from our good friend Fry of "Futurama" fame.

"Its just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"
-Fry

I know I said I was gonna give you more "Transporter" wisdom, but then the wind blew, and the sun shone, and I was hit in the head with a large stapler, and I came to my senses and realized that that movie is pure lame. Kinda like pudding when you eat a little and then put it back in the fridge, and when you come back later the enzymes from your mouth have allready digested some of it so it just doesnt taste as good. You know what Im talking about, right ?

Anyway, the first thing that needs to be mentioned is that I made a huge error when I said Dustin likes the white Kit-Kats better. I was wrong he actually LOVES the white ones better . Also I found his underwear on the sidewalk outside so what does that tell you ? Also I hope he doesnt kill me in my sleep.......or at anytime durring the day when Im wide awake and able to see whats happening as it happens. OK if he does kill me lets have it be in my sleep, so I take that last one back. If you do kill me Dustin, in my sleep is the prefered method.

"The Transporter 2" partially rocked my world !

OR........... Interesting facts and moral values scraped from the toenail of a movie whose sweat I am not worthy to dry with a giant leafy fan. Starring Jason Statham as "The Transporter"

So often in life I come upon something so unexpectedly convenient to my current situation that its almost a crime not to indulge. That was when I walked in to use my computer to find my Brother watching the above titled movie. "Well now I have to wait" said I, and with nothing else on my plate for that moment I sat down to enjoy (is that expressive enough ? Marveled/Mezmerised maybe?) this cinematic gem. Now as I only caught the last 20 minutes of this movie I cant in all honesty say I that I am privy to its sweeping universal depth or its life altering vision, at least not wholly. But what I did see was at least as spiritually cleansing as say a pilgramidge to the Holy land. Anyway I learned alot as I think we all can and as a thank you to the great movie making gods in Hollywood I will herein summarise the deepest of the truths included in "The Transporter 2" for your convenience.

Lesson 1 : An airplane that has climbed to its highest possible altitude and then from that point plunged nose first into a large body of water ( lets say the ocean) will not be crushed into a small flat disc as I would have suspected. Instead it will dive approximately 10 feet where it will float nonchallantly while the contents of the plane (in this case people) ,who were not in the slightest injured, will escape where they will be greeted by several rescue boats waiting very close by.
What can we learn from this other than some interesting physics . Well for one, Life Is Good ! In fact its really really good. Nothing will hurt you! ( except the Transporter, but he only hurts people with swords) so worry is a waist of time. Live life to the fullest, crash an airplane into the ocean, or a mountain, or a friends house, its all good. I plan to. As soon as I go to 4 years of pilot school that is.

Lesson 2 : Im saving the rest of the lessons for tomorrow so I can let the full impact if you will, sink in if you will again.

Side note; for those of you not jumping sideways when you shoot a gun, youre doing it wrong. See the above poster for reference.

Aside from being the year of the sexy beast, this is also the year of the baby kittie. Chinese calendar be damned! If you were born in this year you are a cute ball of fuzz that can potentially puncture skin with your razor sharp teeth. Though not fatal, the wound will itch like crazy for at least an hour.
I went hiking today and discovered that an ass can in fact freeze, as mine did. I though that was the only part that had untill I got home and realized I was talking like a drunk hobo because my mouth had frozen as well. (note to self. next time I need to appear drunk..........)
Im thinking about writing online reviews for products that Ive never used. This will make me seem smart to people who read reviews and people that I tell about the reviews Ive written......or will it ? Mostly I just want to tell people that I write reviews.

2008 I will kick your Arse if you mess with me!!!

OK its 2008 . Nough said ???? BArring a life threatening disease or a natural disaster there is no way that 2008 can be worse than 2007. That being said Ill move on and try not dwell or jinx myself by talking about diseases and natural disasters. Dang it too late !
Oh well, this year is the year of the sexy beast. (me that is ) what ? whos a sexy beast ?.........This blog is my new years resolution. And to the 1.5 people that will glance at it for 1.5 seconds, Hello and welcome.
Here is my list of resolutions for the next 365 days of awesome radness.
1. I will finally start admitting to people that, Yes, I am tougher than most predatory animals.(especialy certain jungle cats, you know who you are) Due to an overactive humility gland located in my perfectly shaped bicepts I was not previously disposed to such braggadocio. (theres a 50% chance I made that last word up)
2. I have scurvy.... Oh wait this is resolutions not confessions.
3. I will change my socks at least 6 times a day which I realise seems a bit excessive and unnecassary...... It is.
4. I will try extra hard not to make fun of my brother in law Dustin for liking the white chocolate Kit Kats more than the regular ones.

5. I will finally stop talking about a weasle farm and get to it and build the weasle farm of my dreams.